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 [Anglais] Correction

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Gogol44
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MessageSujet: [Anglais] Correction   Mer 24 Oct - 18:10

Bon désolé pour cette demande, mais j'aurais besoin qu'on me corrige niveau syntaxe et/ou orthographe/grammaire. Et j'aurais aussi besoin de savoir si mon résumé est suffisament compréhensible.





A black man schooled in Jena asked in a meeting with the principal if he and his friends can sit under a tree were normally white people go: this tree was names the white tree or the prep-tree.

During the meeting the principal of the school accepted this measure because he and the administration of the school think that people of the school could go wherever they wanted. They add that they were not a place for the white and another place for the black.

The day after this measure, three white students hung nooses in the white-tree. It recalled the Ku Klux Klan’s manner to kill their opposite. The white students who hung the ropes only have been punished of an in-school suspension of two weeks.

The principal of the school declare that it was only a white joke and it doesn’t involve a real act of racism.

Black students feel offended by the declaration of the principal who don’t see the racism act of the situation. Then the school falls in a bad situation.

Quickly fights starting at school and have been extended to the town. Between black and white students, fights were more and more frequent.

After some troubles at a party, the things between white and black people of the school degenerate. A battle at school begins between 6 black students and a white student. After the battle, the last one has stayed unconscious and has some contusion. After this incident, the 6 black students were arrested and charged with attempt second-degree murder; what’s more they were tried and charged as adult and not as juvenile.

Attorney Donald Washington is a black man, he has been chosen to investigate and to determine exactly what has past; what’s more he is a Bush appointee. After his investigation, he concluded that there was not any unfair prosecution by the white students.

On this case, there is a particular case. It concern Mychal Bell. Before those events, M.Bell had had some problem with justice: during a battery, he broke a chair. For this fault, he was condemned for battery criminal destruction of property but he was placed in approbation.

This event came back after his arrest because if he does another fault he would go to jail, and he was sent to prison, but lot of people call for a bail, the judge accepted, the bail has been paid quickly but the judge didn't want Attorney free and he said the bail was only for the most recent event, and his comdamn for "broken chair" made him stay in prison.

The six blacks saw their penalty reduce to second degree battery and the are always waiting for trial.
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MessageSujet: Re: [Anglais] Correction   Mer 24 Oct - 18:25

Voilà comment je l'écrirais.

A black man schooled ? in Jena asked in a meeting with the principal if he and his friends could sit under a tree were normally white people go: this tree was named the white tree or the prep-tree.

During the meeting the principal of the school accepted this measure because he and the administration of the school think that people of the school could go wherever they wanted. They added that they were not a place for the white and another place for the black.

The day after this measure, three white students hung nooses in the white-tree. It recalled the Ku Klux Klan’s manner to kill their opposite. The white students who hung the ropes only have been punished of an in-school suspension of two weeks.

The principal of the school declared that it was only a white joke and it didn't involve a real act of racism.

Black students feel offended by the declaration of the principal who didn't see the racism act of the situation. Then the school fell in a bad situation.

Quickly fights were starting at school and were extended to the town. Between black and white students, fights were more and more frequent.

After some troubles at a party, the things between white and black people of the school degenerated. A battle at school began between 6 black students and a white student. After the battle, the last one has stayed unconscious and has some contusion. After this incident, the 6 black students were arrested and charged with attempt second-degree murder; what’s more ? they were tried and charged as adult and not as juvenile.

Attorney Donald Washington is a black man, he has been chosen to investigate and to determine exactly what has past; what’s more he is a Bush appointee. After his investigation, he concluded that there was not any unfair prosecution by the white students.

On this case, there is a particular case. It concern Mychal Bell. Before those events, M.Bell had had some problem with justice: during a battery, he broke a chair. For this fault, he was condemned for battery criminal destruction of property but he was placed in approbation.

This event came back after his arrest because if he would do another fault he would go to jail, and he was sent to prison, but lot of people call for a bail, the judge accepted, the bail has been paid quickly but the judge didn't want Attorney free and he said the bail was only for the most recent event, and his comdamn for "broken chair" made him stay in prison.

The six blacks saw their penalty reduced to second degree battery and they are always waiting for trial.

Je crois qu'il faut que tu fasses gaffe à toujours avoir le même temps: si tu décrit au passé, tu décrit tout au passé (à part si tu passes à un autre temps...)

Edit: attention je n'ai pas tout corrigé étant donné que je n'étais pas sûr que tu t'étais trompé à certains endroits...
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Gogol44
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MessageSujet: Re: [Anglais] Correction   Mer 24 Oct - 18:51

Eh oui, c'est un de mes soucis Embarassed.

Et pour ce qui est de la "facilité de lecture", qu'en est-il pour toi qui ne connait certainement pas le sujet ?
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andrew le barbare

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MessageSujet: Re: [Anglais] Correction   Mer 24 Oct - 20:04

Je comprends tout à fait. Ca se passe aux Etats Unis c'est bien ça?
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Gogol44
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MessageSujet: Re: [Anglais] Correction   Mer 24 Oct - 20:07

>Ouip dans la petite bourgade de Jena en Louisiane. Apparement on en a un peu parlé aux infos. Il y a quelques informations supplémentaires en francais ici ==> http://www.rfi.fr/actufr/articles/093/article_56730.asp
et d'autres en anglais ici ==> http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jena_six
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MessageSujet: Re: [Anglais] Correction   Mer 24 Oct - 20:09

Tu devrais préciser que c'est en Louisiane aux Etats Unis, nan? Car si j'ai capté, c'est parce que tu parlais de Klu Klux Klan... Mais un correcteur serait peut être pas aussi indulgent...
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Gogol44
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Nombre de messages : 716
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Date d'inscription : 04/07/2007

MessageSujet: Re: [Anglais] Correction   Mer 24 Oct - 20:14

Oui enfin comme la on devait faire un résumé du cours avec l'assistante, que la prof était présente et tout ca ...

Mais bon c'est pas faux, je le rajouterai Smile Merci Andrew Smile
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MessageSujet: Re: [Anglais] Correction   Mer 24 Oct - 20:57

De rien ^^
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